Top Ten Reasons to Bring Gitmo Terrorists to Hardin, Montana

And a Few More


In a bold move, Hardin, Montana's city council offered its vacant prison for the warehousing of those troublesome terrorists now held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The idea has been rejected by our state's congressional delegation. We wonder though if the following reasons for bringing terrorists to Montana have been duly considered:

#1) Terrorists are already Hardin criminals.

#2) They will get more respect than Californians.

#3) Lots of eligible bachelors for eastern Montana women in search of clean living, God fearing gentlemen.

#4) Give 'em all John Tester haircuts, that 'll teach 'em.

#5) Who needs waterboarding when there's winter in Hardin.

#6) Max Baucus would have to flip flop on the issue, reinforcing his image as a really goofy guy.

#7) Freeman, the Unabomber, terrorists-it's a no brainer.

#8) Call the prison Terrorist Encounters and charge tourists 5 bucks to view the wildlife.

#9) Hardin being near Wyoming, terrorists could be allowed to escape, cross the border, then get shot by Dick Cheney-problem solved.

#10) Bringing terrorists here will create that much hoped for Frank Zappa revival initiated by followers worldwide as they chant Moving to Montana on Al Jazeera.

#11) Escapees could inject some much needed diversity into the Hardin area gene pool.

#12) The Yellowstone Club has high profile Saudis living in a secure gated community, why not Hardin?

#13) Dietary restrictions could initiate a constructive political dialogue about eliminating pork.

#14) If successful, Joe Biden can claim credit for the idea and begin to undo the widely held perception that he has brain damage.

#15) Plenty of new comedy material for the Ringling 5.

#16) Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon will show up pleading for the terrorists' release, enabling Brian Schweitzer to claim he's brought
Hollywood back to Montana.

#17) Will save President Obama from having to admit the obvious, that Gitmo was the best place for the terrorists all along.

#18) Brian Schweitzer's dubious claim about speaking Arabic could finally be put to the test.

#19) Followers relocating to Hardin as cab drivers will find no work, depleting their meager resources.

#20) Barbara Walters could interview 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and ask probing questions like, What's your favorite color?

#21) President Obama will make the world love us again by renaming the facility The Community for Perpetrators of Man-Made Disasters.

#22) Escapees spotted on the lamb will give Made in Montana a whole new meaning.

#23) Snow sports instead of all that Club Gitmo bodysurfing.

And the final reason for bringing terrorists to Montana:

#24) Why have a Gitmo for terrorists when you can have a Hardin for terrorists?